Rediscover: Day 39 – Last Notes

I’ve started several posts these last couple days, but all of them… died after the first couple paragraphs. And I have a few ideas I want to blog about, but I’m afraid I just haven’t had time or the inspiration to flesh them out…

Which really is terrible considering tomorrow’s the last day of Rediscover.

In some ways I’m excited… After all, I’m a dreamer. A writer. An introvert. I really miss reading books, and watching movies. I can’t tell you how many books and movies, during the last 40 days, I have thought “Oh I should read/re-read/watch/re-watch that!” If I could have the mental list in my brain printed out, of what I wanted to watch and read after the fast ended, it would be pret-ty long…

On the other side…  it sounds dumb to think my relationship with God won’t be as close after this fast ends, but I think in some ways that is true. I think fasting is removing something from your life. It’s making room – making room for God. As one pastor from Imago Dei Community in Portland phrased it, it’s “making room for joy.” Fasting is an act of seeking. And God rewards the truthful, fervent seeker.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him ~ Hebrews 11:6

Looked for an image of running and couldn't resist this picture of Rocky, sorry

I dug holes… and kept them empty for two fortnights. Sometimes I filled them with other things, sometimes with God, but their very existence reminded me to focus my heart on seeking God & spending time with Him. Now as I fill those holes back up, with things that are great, that are things God’s created for us to enjoy here on this earth, I have to remember that those things are wonderful but they have their own place – which is BELOW God. I’ve been given the gift of  a 40 day time of learning how to seek God, and fill my empty time with Him, and taking the hand of a friend to stand back up when I fell down – and now I want to exit running strong, and continuing in this spirit of seeking God above world things.

Yeah, I know I’m going to fall on my face. Multiple times. But… I think the most important thing is to lean on God’s strength, to accept His forgiveness and to forgive myself, and to keep running this life for Him!

So those are my thoughts… Rediscover is drawing to a close, but my life and my relationship with God are still before me, a race waiting to be run well, until death and the glorious start of life beyond.

Rediscover: Day 33 – Empire of Love

I’ve been working on my next post, and found I need time to organize my thoughts… so in lieu of posting that, I found this quote by Napoleon, that I found interesting. Read, and enjoy:

“I know men; and I tell you that Jesus Christ is not a man. Superficial minds see a resemblance between Christ and the founders of empires, and the gods of other religions. That resemblance does not exist. There is between Christianity and whatever other religions the distance of infinity…”

—So says Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821), emperor of France. Napoleon expressed the following thoughts while he was exiled on the rock of St. Helena. There, the conqueror of civilized Europe had time to reflect on the measure of his accomplishments. He called Count Montholon to his side and asked him, “Can you tell me who Jesus Christ was?”

The count declined to respond.

Napoleon countered:“Well then, I will tell you. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne and I myself have founded great empires; but upon what did these creations of our genius depend? Upon force. Jesus alone founded His empire upon love, and to this very day millions will die for Him. . . . I think I understand something of human nature; and I tell you, all these were men, and I am a man; none else is like Him: Jesus Christ was more than a man.

I have inspired multitudes with such an enthusiastic devotion that they would . . .have died for me . . . but to do this is was necessary that I should be visibly present with the electric influence of my looks, my words, of my voice. When I saw men and spoke to them, I lightened up the flame of self-devotion in their hearts. . . . Christ alone has succeeded in so raising the mind of man toward the unseen, that it becomes insensible to the barriers of time and space.

Across a chasm of eighteen hundred years, Jesus Christ makes a demand which is beyond all others difficult to satisfy; He asks for that which a philosopher may often seek in vain at the hands of his friends, or a father of his children, or a bride of her spouse, or a man of his brother. He asks for the human heart; He will have it entirely to Himself. He demands it unconditionally; and forthwith His demand is granted. Wonderful!

In defiance of time and space, the soul of man, with all its powers and faculties, becomes an annexation to the empire of Christ. All who sincerely believe in Him, experience that remarkable, supernatural love toward Him. This phenomenon is unaccountable; it is altogether beyond the scope of man’s creative powers. Time, the great destroyer, is powerless to extinguish this sacred flame; time can neither exhaust its strength nor put a limit to its range. This is it, which strikes me most; I have often thought of it. This it is which proves to me quite convincingly the Divinity of Jesus Christ.”

Whatever else one may say in response, it is difficult to explain this away as mere eloquence. In fact, it was to counter mere eloquence and such artificial power that Napoleon said what he did. With unbelievable insight, he saw how Jesus Christ conquered. It was not by force, but by winning the heart.

—This quote was found on this website

Rediscover: Day 30 – My Books

A summary of the past few days for me:

• They have been amazingly excellent
• Saturday I worked a bit, then met my mom and brother for lunch and got to pick out some new glasses. They’ll be ready in about a week – I’m excited as it’s been a long while since I’ve had new glasses.
• I spent time with God Saturday night, and enjoyed going to college group Sunday afternoon – eating lunch, fellowshipping, and sharing candidly with one another about what’s going on in our lives – can’t beat that!
• And today some friends spontaneously rode their bikes by to say hello – I love surprises like that!

I’ve been helping out at my dad’s math tutoring center. I mainly work with the younger kids – about 2nd-8th grade. I love getting to know the kids and fellow instructors – however I’m rusty in math and usually get stumped (or epically FAIL) at least once a day. Today a student asked for a protractor and I got her a compass. I think part of it is, since I was homeschooled throughout high school, I don’t know the “lingo”. I didn’t pay attention to what was the quotient and what was the median, if I could divide and do algebra and solve the problems, what use was the vocabulary going to do me?

However public schools are rather big on the inconsequential lingo, so I’m going to have to make sure to learn it… Fortunately the kids are forgiving and we can just laugh off my mistakes.

But enough about math. (I’ve grown rather tired of looking at numbers all day ) Let me share what’s been going on in my life spiritually.

First off, you should know the three books I’ve been reading. These are the “exceptions” to my fast and have been since the beginning.

First off I’ve been reading Fasting, by Scot McKnight. I got this book from BookSneeze and since I’m obligated to them to finish this book and review it, I’ve continued reading it through the fast – although not as much recently… Once I’ve finished it I’ll be posting my complete review on this blog.

Mostly, though, I have to say  I don’t get that much out of it… the other two books I’ve been reading, though, have spoken to me a lot.

 

This one, as you can tell, is out of the ordinary. Whereas the above book, “Fasting”, was written by a theologian, Professor in Religious Studies, and specialist in Jesus studies and the New Testament, this book was written by a guy that used to be in the band Korn, which is NOT a kid-friendly band. The story of Brian “Head” is amazing – I posted the video of his testimony earlier on my blog. Reading his book, I can see how strong his faith has become, and what a relationship God has built with this man, who was previously “on top of the world”, but so broken within. Actually, here’s what I just read a few days ago, that he wrote:

When I was rich and famous, everything was great on the outside, but my inner life was often a torturous dungeon. Nowadays my inner life is great, but sometimes my outside life has been very shaky, to say the very least.

He talks about many trials he’s gone through since being saved – it’s pretty amazing to hear what’s go on/is going on in his life, and his response to different things… and you can definitely see that through it all, God is now his anchor through storms.

The final book is “Searching for God Knows What” by Donald Miller. This is the third book I’ve read by Miller, and he is quickly becoming, hands down, my favorite Christian (non-fiction) writer. Or if we’re considering all genres, one of my favorite writers. Of all time. Ever.

I recently had a friend stay over for about 10 days, and we began a routine of reading part of this book at nighttime, sitting on the lower part of my bunkbed, with only the bedside lamp turned on. You know, that part of the evening when the house is quiet and still. We started at the beginning of the book and took turns reading. At some parts we laughed until we cried, and at other parts, the one not taking their turn reading would simply listen quietly, absorbing in the words and their meaning.

Did I mention I like this author? Just  a tiny bit.

 

Well, in order not to make this blog post too long and full of TOO many menial details, I’m going to wait to talk about what God’s been teaching me/things that have stood out to me until next time…

Thanks for checking this post out.

God bless.

Rediscover: Day 28 – Proverbs

Keep my commands and you will live; guard my teachings as the apple of your eye. Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart.

Proverbs 7:2-3

Rediscover: Day 20ish – JOY! :)

WARNING: This post may ramble and not make sense. Continue reading at your own peril.

As you can tell from the title I’m in a very JOYish mood! Well really I’m a generally joyous person. I like to describe myself as a balloon (filled with helium, thank you), I might get pulled down but I always bob back up. (I just randomly thought of Winnie the Pooh. I love Pooh. Okay Sarah, focus…)

And no I’m not ADD/ADHD or any of those letters, or on a sugar high, I’m just acting like it right now.

Nothing super spectacular happened today – I worked at my dad’s place, tutoring math to little kids. The tutors there love teasing me and talking to me. I enjoy being in the middle there – too old to be a pupil, really too young to be a tutor, yet there I am. I drove to work without shoes today, which was a very new experience that I found to be exciting and enjoyable once I got used to it. It also made me feel wonderfully Duvall-ish, even though I wasn’t driving a lifted truck splattered with mud.

I didn’t decide to go shoeless on a whimsy, though, I did it for TOMS Shoes,
an organization that sells shoes – and for every pair you buy they give  a

pair to kids that really need them. I’ve wanted to buy a pair of their shoes but just can’t justify the price… but today was TOMs annual “One Day Without Shoes”, and since I’ll seize any excuse to go barefoot (plus it’s for a good cause!!), I gladly participated.
<– There’s what their organization does. Because you were interested.

Then on the drive home, once I hit the gravel road where no one drives, I stopped and looked at the clouds. They were moving so fast from the wind it was like watching a time lapse movie… in real time. There’s something very awesome about watching clouds shift and move smoothly across the sky, almost like white, celestial tongues of fire. Forming, dissipating… very neat to watch.

So… why I am all JOYish? Well you see it’s because there’s Jesus, then Others, and then there’s You do do dooo… I apologize to you readers. I will be much more solemn in the next post. Actually probably not, but compared to this post, yes.

Really why wouldn’t I be joyish? (By the way that’s not a word. So don’t use it where anyone would read it and laugh at you, e.g. a book, a school paper, a blog…) No matter what happens, life is in God’s hands. And He’s good. He’s not a tame lion, but He is good.

Thanks for putting up with me. I applaud you – you have earned a Dove chocolate.

Rediscover: Day 24 – Regroup!

As my friend wonderfully put into words on her blog, we’ve paused on this fasting journey… banged our dented armor back into shape… refocused our eyes on God and seeking Him… formed a battle plan… and most importantly, prayed together for each other, for God’s strength and Spirit for these next few days.

Refocusing certainly makes a world of difference.

With fasting, the biggest thing I do… is fail. Whether it’s from food or media. I usually fail to set strict enough guidelines, or leave a few exceptions that are like little holes that I play with and widen until I’ve allowed in so many “but…”s and “it’ll be okay”s that I’m not fasting anymore. I HATE that. I hate the feeling of failure.

So having that time of (mentally) holding hands with my friend, stilling our hearts, and “re”ing everything (reminding ourselves what and why we’re doing, rededicating ourselves to God and His plan for us during these 40 days, refreshing our hearts in the process)… was so helpful…

Really it would just be pride to think we could make it 40 days without a “refresher”. We’re not that strong. And the point is not for us to be strong enough. Not at all!

Well I’m going to have to cut this short. I have a few more topics I’ve been marinating on for blog posts… hopefully I can put them into words this week.

God bless.

Rediscover: Day 21 – Rain!

It’s been raining pretty thick and hard the last couple days – but that’s okay! It contributes to the coming of spring.

Yesterday I went into town and visited at least a dozen places, giving out my resume, shaking hands, smiling, driving here then there… It was draining, but necessary… I had a blessing when I visited Subway (near the end of my job hunting), and the manager was able to schedule me for an interview the next day! So I went in again today and had a great interview.

My view of Subway and enjoyment of working there have been kinda tainted after my previous experience with my last manager… but I still enjoyed the work, and it would be a blessing from God to have a job! Hopefully I’ll hear back from them soon.

The thing that gets me though job hunting, and job interviews, and worry and fret… is God. The knowledge that He is constant, and will forever exist, and that His love is faithful… knowing that He’s always there refreshes my soul like nothing else can. Everything that happens on this earth is only surface storms. My ship – my life – cannot be capsized, as I have my hope in God as a firm and secure anchor to my soul!

Another upside to today is I got a CD by “Future of Forestry”. Their music seemed to suit this beautifully green and grey, rainy day, and some of the songs definitely brought back memories as I hadn’t heard them in a long time – mainly “Words That You Say”. I had posted the lyrics a while ago here. This song reminds me of “Heart of Worship” as it talks about our worship becoming more than the songs we sing…

Teach me to wholly offer
More than words that I can sing
So I become the song I bring

I think this is such a beautiful way to phrase what our worship should look like… I don’t want to just sing to God that He is holy, that I’m thankful, that He gives me courage for my life – I want to tell Him through my actions everyday! I want the whole of my life to be a beautiful song that brings God pleasure as I sing it to Him.

I don’t want to just tell God I desire Him and long to seek Him, I want to show Him through my actions.

 

“Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The LORD, Yahweh himself, is my strength and my defense;
he has become my salvation.”
With joy you will draw water
from the wells of salvation.

Isaiah 12

 

Rediscover: Day 18 – For but a moment…

I would give up my sight forever if I could look on Your face…

for but a moment

I would give up my hands forever if I could feel Your hand grasp mine…

for but a moment

I would give up my hearing forever if I could hear Your voice. Or Your laugh. Or Your singing…

for but a moment

If seeing Your pure glory means I must perish, I would do so willingly.

I would gladly never walk again if I could take one walk with You, in Your presence, as Adam and Eve did in the garden.

To live in darkness after seeing Your light would be unbearable – I would rather die and cease to exist than to bear the torment of separation from You.

I have felt Your joy.

I have felt Your love.

I have hungered for You and been satisfied.

I have been empty and been filled by You.

I have been broken by You.

I have been awed by You.

I have lived my life and will live the rest of my life with one hope, and one joy – that You live in me, and that one day I will live with You.

I can’t live without You, God. Thank You that before I knew there was a separation between us, You had filled it. Thank You that before I was aware that it was Your love that fills my emptiness, You had prepared the way to pour it into my heart. Thank You that when I fail, You are able.

Lord, You’re beautiful.

Rediscover: Day #11 – Ducklings and Didgeridoos

WOW, I can’t believe it’s already day #11! This is flying by! I don’t have any wonderful words of wisdom to share today, unfortunately I do not think amazing thoughts every day, I try to take a few days off every couple weeks just so I don’t become too awesome! =P Just some awesome things that I’ve been blessed with over the last couple days! Thought I’d share them with you.

• This Saturday I had a great day! I went to a friend’s house and we made cinnamon rolls from scratch (took about 3-4 hours from beginning to end, ahh what a wait! But they were definitely worth it!! ). While the cinnamon rolls were rising, then rising again, then baking, we worked on studying for finals. Yes, we actually did. Stayed focused and got a lot done! Then that evening my family played games with our neighbors.
• Sunday I got to listen to a talk from a guy who’s been serving at a youth group in Idaho, he had amazing stories about how he’s seen the power of God, and miracles that have happened. Really amazing.
• Then today I took a final for Astronomy, and feel really good about how I did. I know I got at least one question wrong – looked it up, and Copernicus created the heliocentric model, not the geocentric model. Phooey. But overall it went well.

Oh! The weirdest thing happened while driving to school today. I was on the freeway with a friend in the passenger seat, and thought I saw some birds up ahead in our lane. Birds fly, I figured they’d fly away. But as we got closer I leaned forward and realized it was a momma duck and her duckling, waddling behind! Okay, “Make Way for Ducklings” does not apply to the freeway – there’s no jolly policeman to stop traffic! I didn’t have time to do anything but slow down some. (I would have loved to see my face when I realized they were ducks and my friend’s face as she was shrieking and freaking out…) The momma duck flew into the air but I don’t know about the little duckling. Hopefully they’re both okay. I just couldn’t believe it, ducks crossing the freeway!! It was very bizarre.

Back to the list!

• Annnd tomorrow I have a job interview! The rides will be slightly hectic as it seems everyone in my family is going somewhere tomorrow… but it’ll work out. I’m excited. Plus…
• I found my black dress up pants. Dun-dun-dun-daaaaah!!! Ok maybe that doesn’t seem like a big deal but I’m excited because I despise dressing up for interviews, especially if I’ve lost my favorite pair of black pants… so I’m happy.

Just one more final on Wednesday, then I’m finished!!!!! La la la la la la la la!

Well, that’s all folks. I’m sure my brain will be back to thinking deep and ponderous things tomorrow, that I can share with y’all. Thank you for bearing patiently with my prattling til then.

God bless!

 

Here’s the didgeridoos, in case you were wondering.

Rediscover Day #7: Lessons from Gideon

“Midian so impoverished the Israelites that they cried out to the LORD for help…” – Judges 6:6

Judges 6-8

The Israelites are no different in the book of Judges than they were with Moses – fickle. Devoted to God one minute, to Baal and foreign gods the next. Despicable, wishy-washy people… until of course you consider that they stand as a metaphor for us… mmm:)

The oppression of the Midianites impoverished the Israelites so much that they called on the LORD, in whose eyes they had been doing evil for the last seven years (another low in one of their many cycles of obedience/disobedience). In response to the Israelites’ distress call, God sends a prophet that says, “Okay, I save you from the Egyptians. I save you from your oppressors and gave you their land. But then I told you not to worship the foreign gods of this land, and you didn’t listen.” Here a human would add: “So I’m fed up with you! Good luck, you’re on your own. Hope you can find a way to defeat those nasty Midianites, cause I’m just going to sit and watch this one!”

But God didn’t. Instead he sent a messenger (the angel of the LORD) to Gideon. When the angel of the LORD walked up, Gideon was sneakily threshing wheat in a winepress, in order to keep the Midianites from noticing and raiding. OK, normally people do not thresh wheat in their winepress – this was an act of desperation. If not for the common oppression among the Israelites, Gideon probably would have been looked on as a little *cuckoo!* by his peers. For one thing, the winepress was too small, so you could only thresh a small amount of grain at a time, making it a rather ted-i-ous project!

So when the angel of the LORD greets Gideon by saying, “The LORD is with you, mighty warrior,” it’s a laugh!

But moving on, here’s a few things that stood out to me, that have to do with how Gideon entered into battle and fought it, with the Lord’s direction. And yes I’m going to use numbers to list these points, as it makes me sound just that much smarter.

1. “My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family,” Gideon protests to the angel. God chose the fewest of the few, the weakest of the weak, to fight this battle. This isn’t that odd, though, as God follows this pattern throughout the Bible, into nowadays. He prefers weak vessels. They’re not full of themselves, so they can be filled with God.
2. God patiently responds to Gideon’s request(s) for proof. He burns up the offering He tells Gideon to prepare, when Gideon asks for evidence that God has chosen him, and that’s it really God talking to him. After that, the Spirit of the LORD comes upon (or “clothes”) Gideon, but this doesn’t mean Gideon’s without hesitation and doubts. After he’s amassed an army, Gideon asks for proof that the battle will be successful, and lays a fleece on the ground, asking God that the fleece be wet and the ground dry the next morning. And a third time he asks for proof – because Gideon wasn’t quite smart enough (okay, I probably would have done the same… ) to realize until later that it would be only natural for the fleece to remain wet while the ground was dry – so he asks God to repeat the miracle, but in reverse (the ground wet and the fleece dry).

I marvel at God’s patience here. He must have smiled when Gideon first asked Him to keep the fleece wet and the ground dry, as He knew the request that would come the next morning… “Um, God? Could we do that again?” When Gideon got pre-battle jitters as well, God steadied his courage by leading him to overhear a conversation between two scared Midianite soldiers. From His calling of Gideon to Gideon’s fall to greed in his old age, God remained patient and faithful to this man who was the least of the least, only a “mighty warrior” because the Lord had called him so and made him so.

Sorry, this is getting long. I don’t mean to prattle on so much, but I write this out not necessarily because you need/want to read it, but because I want to set it down in written words. So if you do enjoy reading it, that’s a plus!

3. To be successful in battle, Gideon first had to tear down his family’s altar to false gods, and build an altar to the true God. Yes, Gideon did it at nighttime, an act that again seems the opposite of the character of a “mighty warrior”. Considering the village’s violent response, though, I would’ve done the same! I love the response of Gideon’s father, Joash, when he spoke to the crowd intent on murdering his son. He says, “If Baal really is a god, he can defend himself when someone breaks down his altar.” What logic! This is up there with the man in Acts, who advised the Council to leave the Christians alone, as if they were not of God, they would scatter, and if they were of God, who could stop them?
4. Before the Israelites could fight the Midianites, they had to become less. God pars them down until their original force of over 30,000 becomes 300. Yikes! Verse 12 in chapter 7 says the Midianites were “as numerous as locusts; and their camels were without number, as numerous as the sand on the seashore.” I think I would be one of those Israelite men who left! “Yeah – I don’ think so! Outta here!” Before you can fight a battle, God makes you smaller. He strips away the layers you don’t need – in Gideon’s case, the men who didn’t want to fight, and the men who weren’t ready to fight. This stripping away leaves you feeling pretty naked and vulnerable before your insurmountable enemy, but in fact you’ve become stronger. Less of you = more of God. You out of the way = God stepping in and moving powerfully in your life.

And what a mighty victory in the end! An army of 300 defeated an army of at least 135,000 men. I can’t even comprehend that number. Could you imagine watching? Talk about an epic Hollywood movie! Actually let’s not imagine it… I’m sure it was gruesome… The Israelites but ran towards the Midian camp in the dark, breaking pots, waving torches, and yelling like teenager hooligans, and the Midianite soldiers starting killing each other. I don’t think the Bible mentions a single Israelite lost in this battle.

So I don’t want to do all this preaching and give you the wrong idea that I’ve got everything in life figured out. NO! So here’s a couple things that puzzle me. There’s only two, as I understand everything else so completely I could write a dissertation about it (kidding, kidding! ). Here’s the bullet points again:

• Why was it, in the Midian soldier’s dream, that their camp was smashed by a loaf of barley bread? How bizarre is that??
• How exactly do you smash a pitcher with a torch inside of it? How much noise would that make? I guess you multiply it by 300, but still? Could the torch burn with the pitcher on top?
• What was God’s reaction to some of Gideon’s choices? To repaying those that didn’t give his men bread by whipping them with thorns, and tearing down the tower, killing every man in their city? When he asked for so much gold from the thankful Israelites? From when we first meet him til his death, Gideon doesn’t make much of a spiritual role model. But God certainly did great things through him.

Okay, if you read that whole post, you deserve a Dove chocolate or something. Sadly I can’t pull a Willie Wonka stunt and hand you a chocolate bar through the screen. Wish I could. That would be sweet. So you’ll have to go hound out a chocolate for yourself and – no wait, don’t eat it! – give it to your mom. Cause the satisfaction of watching your mom eat it is so much greater than you eating it, right? Of course right.

God bless!